Little Red Biting Hood was a little dog
whose actual name was just Little Red. But they called her Little
Red Biting Hood because she would snap at anyone who came near her when
she was trying to sleep.
Her owner sometimes wanted to vacuum the floor, but Little Red Biting Hood usually wanted to take a nap. So whenever the sweeper came near to Little Red…“Snap!” She would bite her owner’s ankle! Sometimes her owner wanted to sit on the sofa, but Little Red would be lying there, taking a nap. And, “Snap!” She would bite her owner’s finger! Sometimes Little Red’s owner wanted to pet her dog, but her dog would be trying to nap. And, “Snap!” Little Red would bite her owner’s nose!
Finally her owner said, “Little Red, you annoy me so much! Go take these doggy treats, and deliver them to your grandma who lives in the deep dark woods, and don’t come back for a long time!” So Little Red, who was an obedient dog even if somewhat snippy, took the basket of doggy treats and entered the deep, dark, woods.
She hadn’t gotten very far when she stumbled over an extremely obese Big Bad Cat languishing all over the trail. “Ooooooooh, Little Red Biting Hood,” moaned the cat. “Help me! I’m starving, starving! Please give me some of the delectable nourishment you carry in your basket! Oooohhhhh, I’m starving to death!!” But the cat didn’t look much like it was starving to death, and so Little Red circumnavigated the Big Bad Cat’s massive belly and refused to give it any of her nourishment.
And she got all the
way to Grandma’s house without further incident.
But when she got inside, she noticed her grandma looked a little strange. She seemed to have put on some weight.
“Grandma,” puzzled Little Red, “What a big gut you have!” Little Red wasn’t much one for tact.
“Oooh, the better to eat that nourishment with,” reasoned Grandma.
“But Grandma,” Little Red protested, “What sharp teeth you have!”
“The better to eat that nourishment with!” Grandma explained.
“But Grandma, what pointy ears you have!”
“The better to eat that nourishment with!”
“But Grandma—”
“FEED ME!” Grandma interrupted.
My, what a big mouth Grandma has, thought Little Red, but out loud she said, “I’m sorry, Grandma, but I ate all the doggy treats on the way here!” (After all, she did like to bite things…)
“Doggy treats!” complained the Big Bad Cat, throwing off her Grandma-disguise. “I thought they were kitty treats!” And the Big Bad Cat waddled out of the house, leaving Little Red Biting Hood to wonder, now that the cat was gone, who she could possibly smack over the nose with a rolled up newspaper, and where, for that matter, her grandmother had gone.
Her owner sometimes wanted to vacuum the floor, but Little Red Biting Hood usually wanted to take a nap. So whenever the sweeper came near to Little Red…“Snap!” She would bite her owner’s ankle! Sometimes her owner wanted to sit on the sofa, but Little Red would be lying there, taking a nap. And, “Snap!” She would bite her owner’s finger! Sometimes Little Red’s owner wanted to pet her dog, but her dog would be trying to nap. And, “Snap!” Little Red would bite her owner’s nose!
Finally her owner said, “Little Red, you annoy me so much! Go take these doggy treats, and deliver them to your grandma who lives in the deep dark woods, and don’t come back for a long time!” So Little Red, who was an obedient dog even if somewhat snippy, took the basket of doggy treats and entered the deep, dark, woods.
She hadn’t gotten very far when she stumbled over an extremely obese Big Bad Cat languishing all over the trail. “Ooooooooh, Little Red Biting Hood,” moaned the cat. “Help me! I’m starving, starving! Please give me some of the delectable nourishment you carry in your basket! Oooohhhhh, I’m starving to death!!” But the cat didn’t look much like it was starving to death, and so Little Red circumnavigated the Big Bad Cat’s massive belly and refused to give it any of her nourishment.
And she got all the
way to Grandma’s house without further incident.But when she got inside, she noticed her grandma looked a little strange. She seemed to have put on some weight.
“Grandma,” puzzled Little Red, “What a big gut you have!” Little Red wasn’t much one for tact.
“Oooh, the better to eat that nourishment with,” reasoned Grandma.
“But Grandma,” Little Red protested, “What sharp teeth you have!”
“The better to eat that nourishment with!” Grandma explained.
“But Grandma, what pointy ears you have!”
“The better to eat that nourishment with!”
“But Grandma—”
“FEED ME!” Grandma interrupted.
My, what a big mouth Grandma has, thought Little Red, but out loud she said, “I’m sorry, Grandma, but I ate all the doggy treats on the way here!” (After all, she did like to bite things…)
“Doggy treats!” complained the Big Bad Cat, throwing off her Grandma-disguise. “I thought they were kitty treats!” And the Big Bad Cat waddled out of the house, leaving Little Red Biting Hood to wonder, now that the cat was gone, who she could possibly smack over the nose with a rolled up newspaper, and where, for that matter, her grandmother had gone.
