Cinderella

Cinderella lived in a big house with her two stepsisters named Fifi and Lady, and their owner, who was not only an evil veterinarian, but also had a tendency to play favorites. This veterinarian wanted only the best for Fifi and Lady, but she couldn’t care less about Cinderella. Cinderella had a sneaking suspicion that this was because she was a mutt—this was class discrimination at its worst. So while Fifi and Lady got to sit in the air conditioning on velvet-covered foam beds and eat Fancy Feast (which was for cats,) Cinderella had to go out and brave the elements, performing hard work like catching Frisbees, going fetch, and rolling over. It was hard work.

Once upon a time, the Prince who was named Prince decided that he wanted to get hitched. He held a ball (which annoyed his owner to no end because he was supposed to drop it after he fetched it—oh, wait, that was a different kind of ball). The prince held a ball (which was a dance) and invited all of the female dogs in the area to attend. Fifi and Lady of course got to go.

Cinderella was very sad to see her stepsisters primping and preening in preparation, rolling around in worms and eating garbage for fresh breath and generally making themselves more attractive for the prince, while she had to stay in the house and play dead.

And she was very sad to see her sisters put on their leashes and head out to the ball while she was forced to stay at home and bark at the mailman.

But ha! Cinderella just happened to have a fairy dogmother, whom she called for assistance without delay. The fairy dogmother waved her paw and instantly Cinderella was covered in the squirmiest worms, and had the most garbagey breath, of any dog around. “Now go to the ball,” her dogmother commanded, and Cinderella obediently complied.

The prince loved her! He was absolutely enchanted! Cinderella was more fun than chasing cars or even rabbits! He wanted to marry her, and he said so, but the evil veterinarian saw through Cinderella’s exquisite coating of worms and took control. She was furious that her dog had disobeyed her orders. She took Cinderella home and said “NoNoBadDog!” at least a few times.

You know what else? She also spayed her!

So on the day of the wedding, the prince was standing up at the altar, saying, “I love you, Cinderella,” and Cinderella was thinking, “Mmm, I haven’t eaten any squirrels in a while.” Cinderella didn’t give a rat’s rear end about the prince, because she had been spayed.

That made the prince pretty mad, and so, to get even, he bit the evil veterinarian on the ankle. He felt a lot better after that.

Back to Furry Tales Home