There was once a king with but one puppy—a handsome thing who was
appropriately named Prince. Prince was near about a year old, and
the king decided he needed to get his boy a wife before he passed his
prime. The old king was a selective old dog, and he only wanted a
true princess for his handsome son. True princesses are very
beautiful, very sensitive, and very attractive to fleas.
The king (Rex was his name, of course) searched the dog pounds far and
wide, looking for the perfect dogter-in-law. He wasn’t having
much luck, though. Most princesses don’t live in dog pounds, and
the few that did all had fleas.
So he returned sadly to his castle, bearing the tragic news that Prince
might as well just get neutered and save the family a lot of expenses,
cause it looked like he wasn’t going to get married after all.
But lo! That night a lovely poodle came a-knocking on the door of
the castle of woes. It had been raining, and the poodle was
soaked, right down to the bob on her pretty little tail. The king
soon found out that she was a princess named Princess. She had
just escaped from the pound and she didn’t have fleas.
“Oh goody!” said Rex. “Now I just need to test her to see if
she’s a true princess.” True princesses, as you recall, are very
beautiful, very sensitive, and very attractive to fleas. Rex
wanted only a true princess for his son. So that night, he pulled
out his softest dog pillow and placed a flea on top of it. Then
he covered it with 30 blankets. “If she is a true princess, the
flea will seek her out through all 30 blankets and bite her on the
rump! Yelp!” he yelped in anticipation.
And sure enough, when Princess the poodle went to bed that night, the
flea burrowed through all thirty blankets and her ridiculously kinky
fur and bit her on the rump! “Yelp!”
Princess got up in the morning and went to join the family for their
breakfast.
“How did you sleep?” inquired the king.
“Oh, horribly! It felt like I was sleeping with a thousand fleas!”
“Nope,” said Rex happily. “It was only one, and now you can marry
Prince!”
Little did Rex know that the princess really had slept with a thousand
fleas. The one he had put on her bed had been a female who had
been pregnant. But it wasn’t pregnant any more.
Soon the whole kingdom had fleas. Princess, who was plagued worse
than anyone because of her being a princess, was mortified and ran away
to be adopted by a nice old lady from Boston.
The queen was so mad at the king for subjecting everyone to this
epidemic of fleas, that she called him a Bad Dog and refused to play
tug-of-war with him for a full week!
